Jason Clemons Web Log

2009-05-17T18:21:00.000-07:00

Good Evening Blog,
I am just in from my AA home group business meeting, and I am exhausted, lonely, and a but discouraged. The third weekend of each month brings a District business meeting, which usually involves a lengthy drive, since we rotate locations around our rural district.
My home group had about 70 people in attendance for the recovery meeting, but only six members that attended the business meeting. I remained silent for the most part, practicing the concept of humility.
When I returned home, I logged into my student information system for the community college I attend and saw the following:

Jason Clemons

2009 Spring > Credit > New River Community College

Class Grades - 2009 Spring

Class	Description	Units	Grading	Grade	Grade Points
ITN 199	Supervised Study	4.00	Graded	A	16.000
ITP 112	Visual Basic.NET I	4.00	Graded	A	16.000
ITP 220	Java Programming II	4.00	Graded	A	16.000
ITP 299	Supervised Study	4.00	Graded	A	16.000

I was excited to find I made all "A's", however I feel a little underwhelmed since I do not have anyone with whom I can directly share my excitement. A sponsee just called, so I can share with him, and I hope to talk with my girlfriend later in the evening. I do need to wake up at five a.m. to get the Virginia section of the Roanoke Times recorded for the visually impaired and get six cats, two dogs, and a flock of birds tended prior to showing up for my internship at the public school system technology center.

That is it for now, as the phone is starting to blow up. Late in the day is when the sponsees tend to cover ther responsibilities and call...finally.

2009-04-20T13:55:00.001-07:00

Quite a Monday. I am excited to be parking the small blue 92 Ford Ranger and climbing on to the bicycle for my first ride to an evening meeting of the year. I am excited to be on board at a new antique furnishings museum on-line market to the world or something. I had a wonderful Sunday at a local Wesleyan church, where I felt quite at home. My week looks full of work, which is a blessing.

I continue to make errors in trying to build partnerships with those about me, but i am trying to live my life more as an open book. I will continue praying and trying to minimize the damage my rotten, self-will driven actions create. Acting as a man seeking God is definitely NOT my strong suit, but I will try.

On to the two-wheeled adventure in the bright sun following the day-long rain.

2008-10-10T09:53:00.000-07:00

Friday has found me sore and grateful. My morning did not start as early as normal. I awoke at 8 am and hustled into the shower and off to school. I was able to use our Dublin site's switchboard operator to contact the Voice of the Blue Ridge phone reading service. I am commitment to recording the Obituaries section from the Roanoke Times on Friday mornings. If I do not get that done prior to 7am, my cell phone minutes are gobbles up with the quickness.
Friday morning smeans Robotics Lab, which is fun and disjointed with the crew I work with. While we were able to detect sound with our taskbot and compute sound threshholds, the motion aspect presented some opportunities for learning and hilarity. Our little taskbot will continue full-speed ahead unless you make a constant whistling noise, at which point the robot reverses, but only as long as the whistling continues.
The events of last night were powerful. I had the opportunity to spend time with a friend of mine who cannot keep himself out of jail, in a home, or with his wife. The blessing was being available to listen. I received a telephone call this morning from a warden in the Mecklenberg Penitentiary. He was alerting me to the address where my friend can be reached by letter. This is a different friend that finds himself incarcerated.
I am thankful for my life exactly as it is right now. I look forward to an afternoon at the gym, following a datacom class, then going to a speaker meeting, then playing some World of Warcraft. This weekend should be relaxing, my friend Luke is moving his girlfriend here from Hilton Head, and he is also moving into a new home, so i may help with heavy lifting. The majority of my weekend will be AA events and Java programming.
Love and Service,
Jason

2008-10-08T09:36:00.001-07:00

A friend just commented on seeing my blog and I realized this media still exists. I just finished a whirlwind brainstorming session on my future with a couple of math professors. I find myself being able to communicate with better informed opinions regarding my own desires. At the end of the day, I feel most strongly drawn to teaching at a community college. This may stem from my desire to give back what is given so freely to me. The flaw in this thinking is that I experience my goals rapidly expanding as I am exposed to different stimuli. Perhaps, these goals will change when I attend a four-year university. It appears that Radford University is my destination in the Fall of 2009. I am going to attend my Datacom class, then vegetate at my house for a brief spell, then hit my AA homegroup early to continue studying the Service Manual and the most recent Conference Report. I was deeply moved yesterday while reading some of the speeches given regarding diversity in AA, self-support, and the dangers of politicking and rallying-the-troops.

I had a brief and beautiful conversation with my friend, Val. I am always so delighted to hear of her life. I am uncertain why her laughter fills me with some joy, but I try not to dissect the glimpses of peace I get today.

Yesterday, I spent most of my day on the bicycle. This allows me to be free and explore some dark crannies of my mind, recalling days in Austin. Cycling sober is an empowering happy thing. I did harvest a bounty of isolation, last night. Pangs of loneliness and certainty of my destiny of solitude were quickly dispelled by kneeling in prayer. My prayers are simple and repetitive:

God, grant me the willingness to surrender. Guide me toward the proper ideals about sex and romance, grant me the strength to adhere to those ideals, and a bit of sanity about the matter. God, thank you for my life, exactly as it is, right now. Thank you for my alcoholism. I pray that "(insert person who trouble me here)" receives all the blessing I want in my life. Praying only for knowledge of your will for us and the power to carry that out.

Love and Service,
Jason

2008-05-26T17:44:00.001-07:00

Good Evening,
my name is Jason Clemons and I am an alcoholic. I am just returning home from an amazing adventure into the jagged peaks of Floyd, VA. My Memorial Day picked up where my weekend left off . . . tons of fellowship, travel, and adventure. I spent the weekend traveling to Winston-Salem, NC to attend the viewing of a friend from my AA home group, Dan D. I was able to speak with his father about the loving nature Dan exuded and how it impacted an emotionally retard man such as myself. I was able to meet his first sponsor, who had just celebrated 34 years of sobriety. I also met a number of alcoholics and non-alcoholics who were celebrating Dan's phenomenal, athletic, and exuberant life.
Sunday morning was another early morning, recording the Sports section of the local paper for the visually impaired then meeting my sponsor and six other recovering alcoholic men for an hour drive to a meeting in Roanoke then grabbing a few more men to eat lunch, then four of us went out on a pontoon boat that hadn't been sailed since the owner's brother passed recently. We had a blast. My sponsor, Irvin caught a fair-sized blue gill and the captain insisted he kiss it on lips before returning the fish to the lake. My friend Zach and i jumped into the chilly murky lake and splashed about while bluegrass and "y'all-ternative" blared.
The day finished with a great AA home group meeting where we heard great one-liners like, "Many meetings, many options; no meetings, no options" and "I only need one meeting a week to stay sober, I just don't know which meeting that is, so I go to a meeting every day."
Today, I awoke and recorded the Virginia section for the blind and saw my friends JP and Pete on the cover of the section finishing the Mountains of Misery run/bike . I forced myself to the gym, running on fumes and still feeling sluggish from apheresis donation on Friday. I biked to the gym and had a so-so workout then biked home and played some World of Warcraft, took a nap, and then received a call from my friend Abe, inviting me to go to Floyd to re-explore the Kettles. I called a few folks and my friend Skyleur responded and his wife came, also.
On the home home, we found a wonderful country store with local Homestead Creamery ice cream and fresh baked strawberry pies, among the fresh North Carolina BBQ and fantastic produce and fresh butchered flesh.
Love and Service,
Jason Clemons

2008-05-24T05:19:00.000-07:00

U.S. President Calvin Coolidge expounded, “After all, the chief business of the American people is business. They are profoundly concerned with producing, buying, selling, investing and prospering in the world" (Coolidge). The business described by Calvin Coolidge in 1925 has grown and proliferated exponentially in the last eighty years, creating a large amount of technological waste products. The waste has been dumped into landfills, traditionally, but there is a considerable savings to corporations when the waste is shipped overseas. Capitalism beckons to the developing nations around the planet, and for a fee some nations are willing to sacrifice the health of their people and their land. A world-wide market-driven economy is often regulated by agreements that protect the world’s people from dangerous waste produced by global industries. One such protective measure is the Basel Convention, which the United States has refused to ratify. Steps should be taken to ensure the U.S. is brought into compliance with international treaties that regulate the indiscriminate cross-border dumping of electronic waste, both for safety and financial reasons.

Internationally, the Basel Convention was negotiated in Basel, Switzerland in the 1980’s to combat indiscriminate cross-border dumping of waste or improperly managing toxic shipments (“Origins”). In the descriptive web page regarding the origins of the Basel Convention the following is written, “Searching for cheaper ways to get rid of the wastes, ‘toxic traders’ began shipping hazardous waste to developing countries and to Eastern Europe” (“Origins”). When describing the United States’ role, New York Times reporter Susan Moran states, “. . .it is the only industrialized nation that did not ratify the Basel Convention, which prohibits richer nations from exporting hazardous waste to poorer countries” (“Panning” 3).

I am learning to configure and repair computer components; as a result I am becoming more concerned with trying to extend the shrinking lifespan of these electronics. Electronic waste, or e-waste, refers to electronic products being discarded by consumers. As I gain more knowledge regarding the process of recycling computers, or e-cycling, I recognize the immediate need for the U.S. to follow the lead of the world’s other industrialized nations in effective and sensible disposal of discarded computer components.

Opponents of e-waste legislation reform argue that the danger to people and the environment are overstated. In his essay “The Dangers of E-waste Are Exaggerated,” environmental analyst Dana Joel Gattuso asserts the following:

Nor is e-waste growing at a rapid rate. National Safety Council (NSC) data show that the number of discarded computers will . . . begin to decline [after 2005]. While improved technology can quickly make machines obsolete, it can also extend the lifespan of the next generation of computers. More powerful microchips will soon provide machines with much greater capacity. (Gattuso 2)

Gordon Moore, co-founder of microchip powerhouse Intel stated in Moore’s Law that the computing power of processors double every eighteen months; the processing power is based upon the number of transistors that can be tightly packed on silicon chips (Shah. Cf. Carroll 67-68). Agam Shah, a reporter for the IDG News Service in San Francisco reports twenty million dollars has been requested from the U.S. government to begin concentrated research on “technologies, including carbon nanotubes, quantum computing and massively multicore computers that could improve,[sic] and replace current transistor technology” (Shah). In stark contrast to the claim by Gattuso, the computers of today will not only be outclassed and useless, but the future generations of machines will become obsolete at an even greater pace as the silicon chip itself is replaced by technologies that will shattered the growth rate that has held place for decades.

The next argument proposed by the opposition to legislation reform of e-waste is that computer manufacturers should govern themselves. Without regulatory interference, it is difficult to envision a profit-minded business choosing to process each ton of e-waste at a cost of “$500 to recycle,” as Gattuso states, “it costs only $40 to landfill” (Gattuso). National Geographic writer Chris Carroll summarizes the current government policy in his article “High Tech Trash,” “’The U.S. approach’, says Matthew Hale, EPA solid waste program director, ‘is instead to encourage responsible recycling by working with the industry—for instance, with a ratings system that rewards environmentally sound products with a seal of approval’” (qtd. in Carroll 74). The result of the laissez-faire approach is a greater portion of e-waste sent to domestic recyclers is shunted overseas to slowly developing nations. E-waste is being sent to China, India, Kenya, and other countries with lower environmental standards and working conditions for processing, often illegally. Uncontrolled burning, disassembly, and disposal are causing environmental and health problems, including occupational safety and health effects among those directly involved, due to the methods of processing the waste (Carroll 67-80).

The most important argument against e-waste legislation reform is the cost. Opponents have argued that the great direct financial savings to companies when electronic waste is placed into landfills is difficult to give up in favor of costly e-cycling. However, there is a third less discussed option that is much cheaper and popular than landfill dumping or e-cycling. “For the West,” reports Chris Bodeen, a Associated Press reporter, “where safety rules drive up the cost of disposal, it’s as much as 10 times cheaper to export the waste to developing countries” (Bodeen 1).

One argument for the reform of e-waste legislation is that the United States can reverse direction on the treacherously slippery slope it has gone down by shirking responsibility for deadly refuse that is being produced at alarming rates. The U.S. is not only poisoning developing nations, but acting as the primary source of contaminated goods which are then imported back into the United States (Fairclough). Gordon Fairclough, correspondent for the Wall Street Journal explains the cycle in the following:

For lead, the trip to China from the U.S. typically goes like this: U.S. consumers and businesses send their old electronics to recycling firms—often by way of innocuous recycling drives. Some of those firms then sell the electronics to dealers in the U.S., who sell them to dealers in China. Chinese companies buy the e-waste and strip lead and other re-sellable materials from it—often discarding harmful materials along the way, adding to local pollution. Those firms then sell the recovered lead to alloy makers like Ms. Liu, who provide it to Chinese manufacturers. The lead makes its way—sometimes at toxic levels—into trinkets sold to consumers in the U.S. (Fairclough 1)

While not much has been done nationally, the Federal government is beginning to follow the example of some states. The U.S. Congress is considering a number of electronic waste bills including the National Computer Recycling Act introduced by Congressman Mike Thompson (D-CA). This bill has continually stalled, however. The main idea of the bill is “to establish a grant and fee program through the Environmental Protection Agency to encourage and promote the recycling of used computers and to promote the development of a national infrastructure for the recycling of used computers, and for other purposes” (“H.R.425”).

The most important argument in favor of e-waste legislation reform is that financial benefits can be gained when consistently positive business practices are enforced by aligning U.S. policy with the international treaties that promote safe e-waste handling. Manufacturers need legislation that mandates accepting responsibility for the environmental footprint and the safety of the products they are creating. Products need to be made with less toxic materials, so that the equipment can be more easily reused and recycled. Companies can be shown that upfront investment in a more eco-friendly process can be beneficial for the profit margin “by avoiding regulatory fines, averting shareholder complaints and lawsuits, and catering to the demands of customers who want to use greener products” (Moran 1). American manufacturers are anticipating U.S. compliance with strict laws already in place through the world, so they are rolling out products to meet the most rigorous standards. In New York Times reporter Susan Moran’s article “Panning E-waste for Gold”, Mark Newton, the head of Dell's environmental affairs group on product design states concisely, "When you're a global company, you need to have a global solution” (qtd. in Moran 1). In the same article, Hewlett-Packard’s manager for corporate environmental strategies, John Frey asserted, “We must have a valid business reason for doing things, not just an environmental reason” (qtd. in Moran 2)

E-cycling is also proving to be lucrative to at least one major electronics corporation. Each month Hewlett-Packard’s 200,000-square-foot recycling centers in Nashville, TN and Roseville, CA, combine to examine, sort, and recycle 1.5 million pounds of electronic waste “ore” (Moran 1). Workers collect “8 to 10 ounces of gold, silver, palladium and other precious metals per ton of ‘ore’, compared with 6 ounces per ton in a typical extractive mine” (Moran 1). Just as e-waste is shipped to the far corners of the world to impact the corporate bottom line at the expense of sustainable living conditions and human lives, major international companies are seeing the impact of wise legislative decisions and are trying to get ahead of the curve to avoid potentially debilitating penalties.

The U.S. government is lagging severely and perhaps the purchasing power of the consumer culture will allow healthy ideas about recycling and reuse to flourish. The tremendous evidence of necessary federal legislation is largely dismissed by Washington, D.C. A government predicated on corporate kick backs and war machines appears to have no time to recognize global problems that unite nations rather than divide them. The brash actions America takes on the world scale is creating serious consequences. Global water shortages, ever shrinking space, and ever growing populations will soon terrorize Americans, just as surely as the staggering oil prices and energy worries torment psyches today. The implementation of laws governing the processing of e-waste will benefit manufacturers and consumers both environmentally and financially, with the coming decades a promise of a world that will dictate foresight and economy.

Works Cited

Bodeen, Christopher. "China's E-waste Nightmare Worsening." ABC News. 18 Nov. 2007.30                                        Apr. 2008

Carroll, Chris. "High Tech Trash." National Geographic Jan. 2008: 66-80.

Coolidge, Calvin. "History - ‘...The Chief Business of the American People is Business’." ASNE 01 Aug. 2001. 28 Apr 2008 <http://www.asne.org/kiosk/editor/00.aug/ottaway2.htm>.

Fairclough, Gordon. "China: Lead Toxins Take a Global Round Trip." Wall Street Journal 12 July 2007. 30 Apr. 2008       .

Gattuso, Dana Joel. "The Dangers of E-waste Are Exaggerated." Opposing Viewpoints Resource Center. Gale. New River Community Coll., Dublin, VA. 30 Apr. 2008

Moran, Susan. "Panning E-waste for Gold." New York Times 17 May 2006. 30 Apr. 2008 .

Basel Convention. "Origins of the Convention." Basel Convention. 20 Mar. 2008. 30 Apr. 2008 .

Shah, Agam. "Scientists Ponder the Successor to Moore's Law." PC World 16 Feb.  2008. 30 Apr. 2008

United States. Cong. U.S. House Energy and Commerce, Subcommittee on Environmental and Hazardous Materials. H.R. 425 [109th]: National Computer Recycling Act. Washington: GovTrack.us, 2005. 30 Apr. 2008

2008-05-24T05:18:00.000-07:00

The behaviors I would like to change in my life are some of the inconsistencies that occur in my diet and exercise regimen. I have been an active participant in weight training since, I was thirteen. I am gone between “just showing up” at the gym to overtraining so that I receive no gains from training. For fifteen years I bicycled everywhere, while living in Austin, TX. Today, I am trying to not only become more consistent in my exercise planning, but I also am considering how to step up the intensity of my work-out to compensate for my advancing age. I typically go to The Weight Club five days per week, usually cycling 15 minutes there and back, when I arrive I usually ride a stationary bike while I complete the daily crossword, that averages another 6-7 minutes of cardiovascular exercise. Then, I engage in weight training, usually two body groups per session. N example would be today, lifting with two friends we alternated bicep and shoulder exercises. I went with four sets of 12 reps at a high to maximum weight. One other thing I would like to change is my lack of social activity at the gym. I traditionally hide behind headphones, but I have found that by not wearing headphones, I open myself to spotting for other people and engaging in lively conversation with friends I never knew I had.

My diet has always been dictated by my income. I have always been in the poverty bracket financially, but for many years I worked in restaurants. If I worked at a vegetarian restaurant, I was primarily a vegetarian. If I worked at a five star steakhouse, I ate a tremendous amount of certified gold Angus filet mignon. Today, as a full-time student I eat primarily pinto beans and brown rice. I add variety through bequethments of flesh I receive for house-sitting or butcher work. I usually receive venison, freshly butchered pork, and chicken. My garden is beginning to thrive and I eat a lot of last year’s garden that have been canned in Mason jars. There isn’t much structure, but I am blessed to have developed habits out of necessity. The habits include rarely eating out, never eating fast food, and there is no room in my diet or wallet for filler junk food that does not provide nutritive quality. I would like to begin a rigorous food and exercise log and use that information to streamline and maximize efficiency in these vital life habits.

The exciting parts of my diet stem from a wealth of potluck dinners I attend. My friends and I are usually in charge of the kitchen and tend toward the wok or grill. I love to experiment with tofu and the variety of strange good one comes across at Oasis World Food Market. I also like to blend food concepts, curried venison is delicious, and we made a cobia fish stew flavored with fresh lemongrass and ginger. I would like to regulate my coffee intake better, when my caffeine consumption becomes unmanageable I usually switch to yerba mate or hibiscus tea for a few days.

So, in conclusion I would like to have a better planned diet and an exercise program that is more efficient. I would also like to address my caffeine reliance. It strikes me as incongruous that I am so mindful about my food and exercise, but pound cheap nasty coffee like it is going out of style. I have never been a cigarette smoker and I do not drink alcohol and consume any mind or mood altering drugs. I am blessed to not need medications prescribed by a physician, either.

2008-05-24T05:17:00.000-07:00

Stress has been defined to me by an elder as the conflict between different sets of priorities. The primary way I deal with stress is to have a clear understanding of what my priorities are and therefore avoid having those priorities come into conflict with one another. My number one priority is not taking the first drink of alcohol and I make a verbal commitment to not drink or take mind or mood altering substances each day. My next priority is to pray on my knees. It is usually during this prayer session that I ask to be relieved of the bondage of self and to be granted the willingness to surrender. My third priority is to follow through on the service commitments I have made. The act of being of service to others allows me a reprieve from the self-centeredness that has dictated the misery of a large portion of my life. By getting involved in the betterment of another person’s spiritual condition, I not only quit thinking about Jason for just a moment, but I learn to constructively face the fact that I have severe challenges in forming a true partnership with another human being.

After a thorough start to commitment, prayer, and service, I can start focusing on being a part of this wonderful mosaic of life. The first portion of my day allows for me to take a few steps back from having my nose press tightly against the single tile in the mosaic labeled me. As I step back I become increasingly aware of the infinite wonder of the world around me and I become aware of my responsibility to play the role of the hero in the story of my own life. The next priority is to apply myself with discipline and an open mind to my chosen work. This work is currently being a full-time student at NRCC. This involves showing up early to class, listening with intent, taking notes, asking questions, giving others a chance to participate, staying late, and doing the homework. I find that shaking hands, introducing myself, listening to the ideas and feeling of others, and being honest allows for cultivation of friendships with students, faculty, and staff.

The next tier of priorities consists of my physical sense of balance. I exercise intensely and regularly. I train muscles four to five times per week for around an hour and a half. I really enjoy the concept of training muscles not lifting weights. I focus on flexibility, form, breathing, and strength. I also incorporate bicycling into my daily life, whether it is on a stationary bike or on a mountain bike. I do my best to not operate my truck as the gas prices are very high, and all the places I need to be are relatively close and easily accessible by bike. I also love to throw the Frisbee, or hippie wheel, as I call it. I also love to play basketball, volleyball, and softball.

The next tier of priorities is related to the release and joy of fellowship. I spend a lot of my time with close friends preparing meals and enjoying potlucks, board game nights, gardening, and video games. I spend most of my time with men, because it is much more difficult to play a role, rather than to be honest about whom I really am. I have the tendency to project a façade towards women, either being self-effacing or sycophantically charming. I am improving in this regard and am slowly learning to build friendships with women and to treat them with the respect they deserve as human beings. At the age of thirty-four, I am still adhering to some boundaries that were erected for me a few years ago regarding dating. I am staying away from involvements with women that already have husbands and boyfriends. I try to date girls that are with tens years of age on either side. I am learning to consider an approach vastly different than my misguided sex instinct fueled by self-will. I am learning to get to know a woman, then to trust her, and then to rely upon her. The next two phase I have not gotten to, but they are to commit to that woman, and then to touch. I am learning to have faith in the processes that have produced good results in other’s lives. So, to make a short story long, at the bottom of my priorities list is romance.

How do I deal with stress? I try to remain mindful of the priorities in my life. I make commitments. I pray diligently. I help others. I follow through on commitments. I try to improve myself. I exercise. I share as openly and honestly as I can. I listen. I try to do the next right thing. Occasionally, I relax.

2008-05-20T06:22:00.001-07:00

My name is Jason Clemons and I am an alcoholic. My sobriety date is November 13, 2004. This means I have exactly one day of sobriety, today. Just because I do not drink alcohol today does not mean that I am empowered to successfully manage my own life.
Bill Wilson states in The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, "The primary fact we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with other human beings." This statement has shown true time and time again in my life. I am currently seeking divine protection from a nineteen-year-old beauty who is pursuing me tenaciously. Her comeliness provides an excellent backdrop for my own rationalization of seeking lustful enterprise with a lady fifteen years my junior and who is living with her boyfriend in my neighborhood.
This is not an isolated incident. My entire life is shot through with paramouric activity, with me not only being the 'other man', but usually in a position where I can view myself as the 'pursued not the pursuer' and thus absolve myself of wrong doing.
The true challenges to my willingness to follow good direction and take proper action comes in the waning hours of evening after an arduous and productive day of service-based life. I feel strongly entitled to the love of a woman, any woman, after I have spent the day recording for blind, chairing business meetings, traveling to work with other alcoholics, give freely of what was given to me. I have difficulty shaking the idea that I deserve sex and romance in my life.
The difficulty is stimulated and increased by the misguided notion that this entanglement with another must be on my timetable. I must remain mindful that I am not the grand director of this fantastic production that is life.
The more I get, the more I owe,
Jason

2008-04-26T06:15:00.000-07:00

Good Morning,
My name is Jason Clemons and i am an alcoholic. I have not been accountable for daily writing and I will take steps to amend that behavior. I have had many feelings that refuse reconciliation. I spent last weekend at Virginia Beach at a wonderful three-day business meeting of group representatives from the state. The singleness of purpose was palpable and focused, to carry the message of this Twelve Step program to the sufferers.
The most potent force at work, in my observation, was the tremendous feminine energy. Isabel Allende discusses this is her presentation on passion found at www.ted.com . The chairperson of the assembly was female, the committee chairs for almost all of the committees were female, the directors of the break-out workshops i attended were female. This is a stark contrast to the rural hamlets in my immediate surrounding where the vast majority is male, not only in attendance, but vocality.
Being a part of such a strong and healthy female-led body caused a great soul stirring in me. I instinctively drifted to a place longing when I would take 1am strolls on the deserted chilly beach. As the near full moon would play peek-a-boo in harmony with the rapidly swirling and passing strata of wispy clouds, i would momentarily lapse into wistful loneliness or wax nostalgic over imagined romances of the past.
i am blessed with a strong male advisor, who has instilled the concept that repetition breeds confidence and confidence breeds faith. So, I fell to my knees in prayer. I prayed for the willingness to surrender. I followed that with the prayer that I have found on pages 69-70 in the book Alcoholics Anonymous. I implore, "Guide me toward the proper ideals about sex and romance, give the strength to adhere to the ideals, and grant me a bit of sanity about the matter."
In short order my mind was back in the present moment, a life free of complication and conflicting emotions. My world is simple straightforward and solo. i am free to have a number one priority of staying sober and helping others to achieve sobriety. I am so blessed to have a number two priority of remaining strong in my studies (at the age of 34, i am a college sophomore) and applying the lessons the good people of my home group have shown me. Of those lessons the most important today is learning to listen, the author of the story Doctor, Addict, alcoholic shares in his writings that by rearranging the letters in the word L-I-S-T-E-N, you can form the S-I-L-E-N-T.
Today, I have a life worth living, a life worth loving, and a love worth sharing.
Love and Service,
Jason Clemons

2008-04-13T18:17:00.000-07:00

Good Evening,
My name is Jason Clemons and I am an alcoholic. I had a nice reminder of a passage in the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" this evening. "We beg of you to lay aside all prejudice, even against organized religion." At a meeting there was wonderful sharing regarding spirituality and Higher Powers. The meeting ended on a note of Judeo-Christian narrowness and i was a bit disturbed. i will pray and act to release the resentment.
My weekend has been powerful and peaceful. I spent my time studying differentiation and hanging out with close friends. A World of Warcraft tutorial was held at my subterranean lair complete with brown sugar-habenero glazed baked chicken and balsamic green beans. The air was thick with rhythmic reggae chords and then the sweet sad notes of blues via Austin public radio's Mojo Time on audio streamed 90.7
Preparing for a test tomorrow and then a chill Monday evening, perhaps a heavy day at the gym to get started after doing a voice recording of the Virginia section of the newspaper for the visually impaired.
Love and Service,
Jason

2008-04-12T03:23:00.000-07:00

Good Morning,
My name is Jason Clemons and I am an alcoholic. Last night I was feeling considerably less than and better than simultaneously...again. It seemed that most at my home group were in their "paired: formation. Folks with their girlfriends and wives were make dinner plans or the friends I have were deciding which gluttonous, overpriced buffet to abuse themselves at. This weekend is pretty full of recovery business, so I declined an invitation to attend a fellowship gathering in another town and opted instead to come home and play video games with a friend and turn in to bed relatively early. i feel great this morning after hitting my knees in prayer and reading a few different daily meditations. i am off to the gym and then getting dressed in silly matching outfits with some friends for a business meeting. I have a history book to read, an English paper to write, and a ton of math to study. The weather has been beautiful and i believe rain is on the way, which is even more beautiful :)
Love,
Jason

2008-04-10T03:35:00.000-07:00

Good Morning,
My name is Jason Clemons and i am an alcoholic. The first three days of the work week usually consist of twelve hours a day at campus. Thursday marks my first day of a more reasonable 9:30am-4:00 pm block of time dedicated to work at study. The thing that excites me the most is the resumption of regular attendance at my home group. I miss the faces, the personalities, the principles, and the recovery of my people. I love being a part of society today, but it is such an integral part of my life to be present and accounted for at the group that saved my life. i am truly happily and usefully whole when i am able to give back precisely what was so freely given to me, the way of life centered on spiritual principles that began as freedom from that first drink.
I really look forward to this weekend; our district business meeting is taking place on Saturday , with the requisite delicious potluck beforehand. I love being able to feel the heartbeat of the home group extend outward and touch the liveliness of other homegroup in our district, then in our area, and around the world.
Love and Service,
Jason

2008-04-09T02:32:00.000-07:00

Good Morning,
My name is Jason Clemons and i am an alcoholic. I am not special. My case is not different. I am responsible for seeing the part of me within you and the part of you within me. This morning found me dwelling on a young man I have a greed to help show how the process of recovery from alcoholism works in my life. While in prison, he was accountable and prompt in writing letters and sharing honestly, now he is reluctant to take the steps necessary to comply with the requests I make of him. I am holding on to the actions he used to make no longer.
One of the best things about getting sober is getting my feelings back, one of the worst things about getting sober is getting my feelings back. Compassion is a vital and human part of existence, it is not to be denied. However, I do no one any good by blinding myself to obvious displays of rebellion and denial. I am not going to rob myself of the opportunity to work with someone as they make honest and ardent efforts to affect radical and permanent change in their lives.
Today, I will make clear the boundaries that are a large part of better understanding humility.
The More I Get, The More I Owe,
Jason

2008-04-08T19:51:00.000-07:00

My name is Jason Clemons and i am an alcoholic. My sobriety date in November 13, 2004. There isn't really much more to say than that. Today, I am feeling particularly amorous. There is no concrete object for my affection. The sensation is not exactly loneliness nor longing. As I watch Forrest Gump, I am identifying greatly. It is a strange experience to recognize my shortcomings in the realm of intelligence where i once thought myself so grand.
I plug along each day, rising early and humbly kneeling in prayer. Three days of the week I still record the newspaper for the visually impaired. I hit the gym to lift weights quite intensely five days a week. I throw myself recklessly into my studies at the community college. i do my best to help the younger students around me and to act with respect and mindfulness.
My recovery from alcoholism is centered in working with men like me. I stay active in the service structure of my recovery program, out of habit and because of an obligation to continue the legacy of the ones who came before me. I have been including a prayer of understanding tears. i am not very good at crying. My prayer life is structured around asking for the proper ideals about sex and romance, the strength to adhere to those ideals, and a bit of sanity about the matter. I pray to better understand humility and to accept responsibility. i pray for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.
I am going to pray now and go to sleep. I felt awkward talking to my friend Valkyrie this evening. Hearing her voice is a blessing, I try to simply be consistent and honest with her. Those are two gifts I could never give her when we were a bit closer.
I am using the tools of thrift that were acquired during years and years of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. When every penny went toward alcohol and that resulted in becoming completely unemployable, I was able to master living extremely inexpensively. I am haunted by occasional pangs of fear of financial insecurity, but i keep a belly full of beans, rice, chicken, and venison.
Good Night.
The More I Get, The More I Owe,
Jason

2008-02-09T11:19:00.000-08:00

Jason Clemons
08 February 2008 Scholarship Selection Committee

Education Goals and Service: A Productive and Worthwhile Life

"Most of American life consists of driving somewhere and then returning home, wondering why you went." –John Updike

I wandered these roads for years, but today I insist upon enjoying life, regardless of geography. The responsibility of creating a healthy and happy environment falls squarely on my shoulders. I celebrate my fourth year back in my native New River Valley, after fifteen years in Austin, Texas, running away from. I feel honored to have been embraced by the New River Community College culture. My life here continues to improve daily, as I vigorously strive to serve those in my community.

At age twelve, my mother invited me to earn five dollars per hour washing dishes during a busy weekend at the Huckleberry Inn, where she was a bartender. She routinely ran to the kitchen, slamming down a tub filled with half-filled beer glasses and unfinished nacho plates garnished with cigarette butts, and while warning me, "Get an education! Is this all you want out of life?"

At age fifteen, I left home and Virginia. I wanted more out of life, but I did not see the value of an academic education. I received a very different education as I worked as a prep cook, busboy, waiter, and bartender for the next fifteen years. My thirtieth birthday brought me back to Christiansburg, searching for a radical change of direction.
I worked as a technical support representative, then as a brick mason's assistant. Meanwhile, I became active in community service, working diligently with troubled young men and recording portions of the Roanoke Times for the visually impaired. On the Dublin campus I met with Dr. Dale Conrad. That meeting had a tremendous impact on my life. I worked with Dr. Conrad for a month and a half, discovering my transferable skills, interests, and direction I wanted to go. I attended night classes while working full-time and set up a budget that would allow me to attend college full-time.
I am enrolled in my first semester full-time and am ecstatic to be able to devote so much of my focus and energy toward studies. The work study program enables building partnerships with faculty, staff, and students. After attaining an Associate's Degree in General Studies I intend to pursue a B.S. in mathematics at Virginia Tech, a Masters of Arts in Education, and a doctorate in mathematics. I have an earnest desire to teach, using my education to open doors for others. In order for me to grow as a person, I feel I must continue to give back to the community.
The key to the fulfillment of these goals is having a proper set of priorities. The scholarship I am applying for will provide money, but more importantly, it will provide time. Time is the most precious commodity I have. Freedom to focus on my studies is vital. Unlike Updike’s aimless drifter, I know where I am going with my education. I know I must repay the investment the community continues to make in me. Because the New River Valley is my home, I will continue to do all I can to be a grateful, civic-minded, and service-oriented member of society.

2007-06-23T04:11:00.000-07:00

The Imperious Urge
Jason Clemons

"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love." ~ Butch Hancock, country music singer-songwriter.

I like women. I like the smell of freshly applied white gardenia lotion on sun-kissed olive skin. I like long flowing tresses scented with hints of lavender. I like freckles, and a clean, strong irregular smile. I am beginning to explore a more complex beauty. I am learning to forge strong, enduring friendships with women.

For thirty years, I sent agents to interact with women. Like Lon Cheney, I assumed one of 1,000 faces to gain favor. The result was a complete failure to honestly connect with any women. A basic fear of not getting what I wanted or losing something I had obtained kept my true identity hidden.

I met my last serious girlfriend at a restaurant I worked at in Austin. She came in on a slow Sunday brunch. Her short blonde curls bounced. She led her small black Sheltie on a leash. The large, bearded man with her appeared tethered, as well. He was silent and followed a few paces behind her. The athletic, vivacious beauty and the obese man dressed head-to-toe in black made an odd pair. As a professional, I treated them like guests in my own home. Working as host, waiter, and bartender, I prepared a table outside and made a special setting for her dog. I grabbed a shiny aluminum to-go plate and I filled it with water. The girl drained a Crown Royal and Coke. She ordered one-half of a roast beef and Havarti cheese sandwich which she picked at nervously. I delivered the bill and invited them to return. After they left, I found cash payment along with a fifty dollar tip. She left her name, a phone number, and an extension on the backside of the bill.

The next day I called the number and received the voice recording at an Extended Stay Suites hotel. I dialed the extension and left a message for Robin. We set up a time to meet and enjoyed brunch and cocktails. We clicked instantly. The rocks in her head fit the holes in mine.

We both came from broken homes and spent formative years in housing projects and trailer parks. We laughed as we exchanged war stories of abandonment and love gone awry. She confided to me that she had lived in the hotel for four years and worked for an escort service. I feigned indifference and understanding. I presented a tortured soul, weathered and aged beyond my twenty-six years. We began a physical union, long before it was appropriate. Our days and nights blurred in a puddle of alcohol and sex.

It could have been a Sunday. All the days seemed the same. Robin brought a thick glass decanter of Crown Royal Special Reserve each afternoon. The crystal facets sparkled, as it emptied quickly. I would promptly refill the solid half-gallon bottle. I kept the source hidden, a thirteen dollar and eighty-nine cent plastic jug of Canadian Hunter. The concrete jungle outside my duplex screamed with sirens and packs of wild children. I would stagger from the bedroom to the kitchen and refill our glasses. In my cave, hip-hop music blasted from enormous speakers. It might have been three in the morning or three in the afternoon. I had replaced all the windows with stop signs that faced inward. The metal kept my eager hounds inside and the rest of the world out.

The phone rang incessantly. Phantom faces would come and go, as I divided one big bag of dope into many smaller bags of dope to sell. I lied, cheated, and stole to keep the lights on and the rent paid. Robin said she appreciated my limited skill set, "You can handle your whiskey, handle your woman and handle your business." After a few months, I ended the relationship.

"Robin, I don't think we should see each other anymore.” I slurred in the telephone

"Story of my life. Let me guess you found someone else. I know what it’s like at your house, always different nineteen-year-old girls half naked and wasted."

“No, it’s not like that at all. I can't live with the pain of not making you happy. You are miserable and I can’t make it better. I’m just a waiter and a drunk.”

“Are you kidding me? I’m a whore and you are trying the it's not you, it’s ME talk. Whatever you want. Fine.”

Click.

Years passed. Women came and went. My drinking accelerated. My life shriveled and I withdrew from society. I moved from booze-soaked Austin to the cradle of the Blue Ridge Mountains in Virginia. My erratic sleep, maudlin crying fits, and my constant need for a bottle caused friends to name me Baby-man. One lonely, miserable day, I made a decision.

I set down the liquor. I dealt with life on life's terms which included car troubles. I had my truck checked for transmission problems. A television droned in the corner of the mechanic’s office. I watched an infomercial that offered the key to a fantastic love live and was detailing failures in Hollywood romances.

"See how Brittany Spears and Kevin Federline immediately jumped into bed, bypassing all of the first four steps in our exclusive Shape Your Love Life program."

"Know, trust, rely, commit, touch.” the snake oil salesmen said, using bar graphs and pie charts to illustrate his program.

I did something foreign and unexpected. I identified. I had a spiritual experience that day. I started to seriously consider my inability to form a true partnership with a woman. I asked some close friends for help. I took inventory of my defective thinking towards women. I began to view women as people. I began to act in respectful manner.

It is definitely a Sunday night. I am alone, sober, and happy. Fire flies light the night sky in shifts of thousands, like a steady assembly line of bio-luminescence. A thick sheet of drizzle falls. Frogs voice throaty croaks and crickets emit shrill chirps. The drips and splats of water droplets fall from the bean tree leaves. The splats smack loudly upon the resonant surface of a nearby trampoline like a drummer's stick. I embrace the tranquility. I smile at the thought of a better life.

Today, I do not have to drag another person along as I seek a better definition of myself. I kneel and pray for the proper ideals about sex and romance, the strength to adhere to these ideals, and also for a bit of sanity. I have faith that this will enable me to bring love and understanding into the life of another person.

2007-06-03T20:01:00.000-07:00

Ticket to Ride
Jason Clemons

Five a.m., Saturday morning in May of 2007, I awoke and my mind swirled with expectations and worries. I feel to my knees in prayer, and then stumbled in the dark to my desk. My fingers flew frantically across the keyboard, and I brought up my bank information. I shook my head at the thirty-seven dollars in my checking account. I was not scheduled to begin my new job at Virginia Tech for another week. My first session of college classes was approaching rapidly and I was awaiting a letter from the financial aid office. My little truck, a ninety-three Ford Ranger had given up the ghost and refused to move an inch. The diagnosis was grim, complete transmission failure. For hours, I projected the worst possible scenarios. I was frozen with analysis paralysis.
My trance was broken by the piercing ring of the cell phone. My friend Carol extended an invitation to her home in Ironto, Virginia. She was reworking her landscape and was eager to show off her handiwork. I accepted the invitation, reluctantly. My only transportation option was bicycle. The arduous ride through Ellet Valley, with impossibly steep mountains and blind curves, was not an option I openly embraced. I decided to go against my instincts and ask for a ride. I called my friend, Randy. He offered to drive. I accepted, I felt humbled, but I was grateful. The plan was to visit her, and then we all could hike down her mountain to the river.
I waited for my friend. I felt my anxiety slip away. I busied myself tending plants. I doused the gardenia, but gave only droplets to the date palms. Shortly, Randy arrived in his large gray truck. It bore a striking resemblance to an African elephant and trumpeted its arrival with heavy guitar riffs. I boarded and my mood continued to brighten. Randy navigated the twisting, treacherous turns following the North Fork of the Roanoke River. Sunlight flashed through the canopy of new leaves and branches covering the road. I thought the light show would provide a nice complement to a steady stream of funky soul music. I asked for control of the music and I found one of my favorite albums in the library. We grooved to Parliament, the poetry and rhythm thick and infectious. The acoustics of the king-sized cab let the sound ooze into my body and lulled me into a state of mild euphoria.
Randy jolted me. "Wow, did you see that?"
"No, I wasn't paying attention to anything except the bass line Bootsy Collins was laying down."
We pulled into a private driveway and turned around. Randy had spotted a snake stretched across the road and stated, "I always carry a small shovel, a long branch with a forked tip, and this!"
He drew a twelve inch ka-bar, a U.S. Marine Corps WWII fighting knife, and held it high. I tried to remain calm. "For defense, I assume?"
He explained, "I often come across road kill animals that will be further mutilated if left on the road." I nodded in understanding. He went on, "Many times the animal is critically injured and I use the blade to end the suffering mercifully. The shovel is for removing the remains from the roadway."
A smile crept across my lips. "What about the shillelagh?"
Without reply, he exited the security of the truck, brandishing only the walking stick. I followed tentatively.

As we approached the snake, my vision was overwhelmed and my imagination fired. I had seen copperheads, but never one of such vibrant color and size. The skin and scales of the snake were a mesmerizing pattern of roasted corn yellow and red brick. The snake stretched across three feet of warm asphalt. Randy gently prodded the snake with his gnarled staff. The snake rose some ten inches into the air. I could only gawk, mesmerized by the serpentine splendor. Like a ribbon of lava with thick, gilded cross bands, the snake slithered gracefully into the verdant forest that bordered the roadway. We turned to one another, beaming toothy smiles. Randy replaced the tools and we climbed back into the truck.

As I settled into the shotgun seat, I felt so connected to life. Peace of mind settled upon me like a down comforter. After ten minutes of driving, we found the homestead and I knocked on the door. Carol answered, and said, "Welcome, I hope you are hungry," and I followed her inside. The warm, rich smells of cinnamon and coffee filled the air. Reggae could be heard from another room. Randy entered and we sat at the breakfast table and enjoyed French toast with a cranberry raisin underbelly. We each sipped warm java from mugs. She then presented a Pyrex casserole dish layered with crisp bacon, scrambled eggs, crumbled sausage, and sharp cheddar cheese. After I had eaten a lion's share of the offerings, a fourth friend, Julie, joined us and we hiked a few miles to the river's bank.

We discovered a wealth of flat, smooth stones, ideal for skipping. The four of us experimented with skipping rocks on the water’s surface. We discussed the challenges we faced. Shoes, worries, and cares were cast aside and we waded through the creek. I could feel the history of the land swirling about my ankles. We shared ideas of the people who played here before us. We shared visions of the generations to follow. Reaching dry land again, we replaced shoes and ventured back to the land of electricity and automobiles. I also picked up my worries and cares, but they were now much lighter and easier to bear. I felt energized and at ease.

Simplicity shone like a beacon on a dark sea of doubt. The walk by the river allowed me to play. The late breakfast gave me the gift of fellowship. The encounter with the snake reminded me of responsibility and compassion. That morning I had gazed into my broken crystal ball, which only showed the negative outcomes. I forgot the wonders of the present. I needed a gentle prodding to remember I held the ticket to the greatest ride of all, life. The ticket was willingness to live in the moment, to let go of my expectations, and to enjoy life.

2007-04-12T11:33:00.000-07:00

I'd like to help people with their need for:

Languages (people's need for literacy, to be able to read, or to learn a new language); and in my case what particularly interests me is teaching English and facilitating cultural understanding between different peoples.
Personal services or service occupations (people's need to have someone do tasks they can't do, for themselves); and in my case what particularly interests me is voice recording for the visually impaired.
Health Services (people's need to have preventative medicine or help with ailments, allergies, and disease); and in my case what particularly interests me is treatment of alcoholism.
Mental Health (people's need for help with stress, depression, insomnia, or other forms of emotional or mental disturbance); and in my case what particularly interests me is counseling and occupational therapy.
Psychology or psychiatry (people's need for help with mental illness); and in my case what particularly interests me is diagnosis, treatment, and developing more effective solutions for mental illnesses.
Training or learning (people's need to learn more about something, at work or outside work); and in my case what particularly interests me is assisting people is learning new skills or enhancing existing ones; empowerment for the economically challenged.
Entertainment (people's need to be entertained, by laughter, wit,intelligence, or beauty); and in my case what particularly interests me is theater and public/motivational speaking. Edutainment is a term i like, referring to the inclusion of information or ideas for growth within an entertaining presentation.
Spirituality or religion (people's need to learn as much as they can about God, character, and their own soul, including their values and principles); and in my case what particularly interests me is sharing the role that a spiritual awakening plays in the positive and rewarding lifestyle I work towards.
I'm interested in working with animals or plants (their need for nurturing, growth, health, and other life cycles that require the kind of sensitivities often referred to as interpersonal skills); and in my case what particularly interests me is horticulture, I love indoor and outdoor gardening, especially exotic plants.

2007-03-25T12:20:00.000-07:00

In December of 2004, I wanted to upgrade my mother archaic computer. I understood very little about the inner working of the machine. Taking great care and using Internet forums, I was able to upgrade the memory, which did very little. next i tried to install a CD burner and an addition hard drive. I failed, I did not realize that certain manufacturers had dedicated motherboards that disallowed third party installs. I had very limited funds and no organized education is building computers.
i started sharing my frustrations with friends about the technological shortcomings of my surroundings. i soon found a reasonably priced second hand machine. I was able to add a DVD burner and an SATA card for an additional hard drive, then I decided to upgrade from dial-up to DSL. By reaching out to technical support personnel, i soon was computing at a speed I was more comfortable with. Soon, I moved out and was able to access digital cable Internet access. The computer soon developed intermittent memory loss issues and I did without any computer for two months, while i saved money and planned my next move with the help of a knowledgeable friend. We surfed the web and spent hours researching site such as newegg.com. Eventually I was able to spend seven hundred dollars on a spectacular bare-bone system and a state-of-the-art video card. I already had printers, scanners, wireless mouse and keyboard, monitor, cabling, software, speakers, CD/DVD burners, and two eighty gigabyte hard drives.
I continue to upgrade and maintain my system and grow in knowledge and confidence in my abilities. i have dabbled in writing code and building web pages. I can now build specific computing systems much cheaper than professional services and can offer advice to my friends. Most recently I have been exploring specifics on increasing DDR RAM capacity and different uses for PCI slots and how to overclock memory sticks.

2007-03-25T07:02:00.000-07:00

In September of 2005, I received an invitation via Myspace.com to apply for a job at a web-hosting company, right next door to my home. I spend a lot of time working on Internet communications in my free time and would have loved to get involved in that business. I have never attended college and have never went through an exhaustive and intense interview process.
The first step was scheduling a phone interview. I shared the anticipation with a friend that had experience in such matters. He advised me to prepare by having a resume in front of me and to conduct the interview standing, as though I was in the interviewer physically. I answer the questions presented as best I could. I did not have any real questions prepared for the interviewer. Nevertheless, I was invited for a first round interview. I prepared as best I could, clean shaved and dressed professionally, suit and tie, and showed up with a targeted resume for the initial face-to-face interview.
I was terribly intimidated by what I found. I had never been through a two-hour interview process, and I was severely shaken by the depth of the questions asked. I was asked about my five-year plan, what I could offer the organization, what were my greatest weaknesses, how I handle stress, and a variety of questions not directly related to the job. I received a call back for a MORE intense second round of interviews. These were three, two-hours sessions with three different twosomes of higher-ups in the corporation. Being rattled, I reached out to older, experienced friends of mine for help. I was guided specifically to research and gather as much information as possible on the company and the technology. i was instructed to put together a list of my priorities. i was directed to practice and role-play the interview.
I suited up and showed up, prepared and polished. I did not receive a job offer. I did send a thank you letter for the consideration and all the learning opportunities i had been provided. I took away a tremendous amount of experience and faith in myself that I can engage in frightening situations like that in the future. i also learned that I can rely on the friends I have cultivated that are happy to share their hard-won experience.

2007-03-25T05:48:00.000-07:00

For thirteen years, I did not apply for a driver's license. I chose to ride a bicycle as my primary mode of transportation. At the age of 31, I wanted to drive an automobile. I was fearful of outstanding fines in the state of Virginia. I did not know if I had maintained any level of driving skill. I did not have a large sum of money and I had no credit or resources for purchase of an automobile.
I went to the DMV website and applied for access to my driving record. I had to wait for a password to be mailed to me. Then, after a few weeks, i found that there were financial amends to make to the tune of $400. I paid cash at the DMV in person. I began working a lot of overtime and saving every penny I could. my checking account soon showed a $2000 surplus and i started searching for a suitable vehicle. As I poured over newspapers, websites, and Auto Trader magazines, I also enlisted the aid of family and friends to share their experience with new and used auto dealers. I then studied the written portion of the driver's exam on the Internet and proceeded to take and fail the exam. I procured the actually physical manual, studied more and failed again. i waited the two days and went back and passed the test. I received a call from a used auto dealer offering a '92 Ford Ranger with 80,000 miles and only 1 previous owner for $2,500. I didn't have enough and reluctantly turned to friends for a $500 loan. They agreed. I made my purchased, went across the street to the insurance agency my mother had done business with for years and got a cheap quote on full coverage insurance. I had no bad marks on my driving record, since I had no driving record for 13 years. I took and passed the road test first time, even though I didn't know what a hazard light was, nor where it was located on the truck.
I was then able to go on to a different job, make more money, and get an apartment in another town, much more suitable to my needs. I am able to assist other in moving large object and transporting big dogs. I use the truck in my current position as a brick mason's assistant. I have become dependent upon the truck, but that allows me much greater latitude in my ultimate goals.

2007-03-12T00:01:00.000-07:00

In October of 2005, I was frustrated with working as an overnight grocery stocker in the frozen foods section of Wal-Mart. I did not think I had any useful job skills, other than waiting tables and tending bar. I had a high school diploma and a desire for more rewarding employment. I had no idea what direction I wanted to go, I knew staying at Wal-Mart was not an option.
I asked a friend with a sales background for assistance. Each morning, I would get off work and visit the furniture store, where this friend worked. He sketched basic resume outlines and encouraged me to follow the template and put together a rough draft outline of a resume and contact sheet. We used the fifteen years of restaurant experience to tailor a resume specifically for an opening at a local newspaper for the advertising representative. I also scanned the Yellow Pages for job prospects and used the classified ads as a resource for job ideas. I walked into the offices of the newspaper and asked to speak with the advertising manager. He was not in the office, so I explained my desire to offer my services as an experienced and professional member of their sales force. My resume was directly forwarded to the Salem office and I had an interview in two days. I consulted my friend, over celebratory coffee at the furniture store. He primed me for the interview with basic information about newspaper advertising sales. I learned basic concepts like cost per column/inch, pick-up rates, and one,two,and three-spot color versus full process color.
The interview was a success and I tendered my two weeks notice at Wal-Mart. I was able to work in an office environment with occasional trip into the field. I increased my pay from $8.95 per hour for back-breaking labor to $10.00 per hour plus commission with a gas and cell phone allowance, insurance, and paid vacation. I was able to utilize my skills in information technology to implement a company-wide instant messaging service and digitize documents for more effective inter-office mail. I was able to pull together contact sheets from years of paper scraps and business cards to create current and accessible information on clients. I had a place in a business suited to my skill set.

2007-03-10T05:03:00.000-08:00

In late 2005, I desperately wanted to become more involved in my community. I have spent 20 years attempting to set myself apart and allow my self-will to run riot. I wanted to find reprieve from my self-obsession through the recommendation of being of service to others. I had limited free time and was just returning to the area following fifteen years in Texas. I had great difficulty identifying with others and understanding i am not terminally unique.
I have always enjoyed reading and really like public speaking. I once dated a girl who did voice recordings for the visually impaired. I began exploring volunteer options in the New River Valley reading to or recording for the blind. I was not able to find the proper routes through my broad Internet searches. I was listening to National Public Radio and heard mention of Voice of the Blue Ridge. I immediately called and received the email address. I wrote asking for information and shortly received an application for readership. I was intimidated by the questions asked, but acted confidently and completed the form honestly. In two weeks, I was invited to read the Obituaries of The Roanoke Times each Friday morning. I was given password information and directions on how to use the telephone reader service. My instructions were incomplete and I felt quite inadequate or "less than", when I couldn't complete my first assignment. I asked for help and was directed on the process correctly.
In two months, I was asked to substitute on a number of occasions. In April, I was invited to read the Virginia section on Mondays and the Sports section on Sundays. I have done so each week for more than a year. I have been blessed to meet my fellow volunteers at a recognition dinner where Miss Virginia, Adrianna Scarlatta spoke and performed operatic passages from Porgy and Bess. Senator John Edwards also spoke on volunteerism and I was inspired by the friends I met who had been serving Voice of the Blue Ridge from one month to over thirty years. I was also able to assist in a silent auction at Mill Mountain Theater. I feel very connected with the Voice of the Blue Ridge organization. I have heightened self-worth, because I know I am helping. I am able to record each morning before work and it is an amazing and rewarding way to start my day.

2007-03-07T14:45:00.000-08:00

In July of 2006, I decided that I needed a job that was more in alignment with the spiritual principles I was cultivating. I was employed as an advertising representative at a small newspaper. Value and integrity were part of the requests I made when I was being interviewed. I learned that the business was driven by a concept of quick cash and complete disrespect for developing long-term customer relations.
I started looking for work where I could find concepts like honesty, accountability, and honor. I turned to a friend who had advised me in creating a resume to get the jib at the newspaper. He was looking for an apprentice to learn the furniture business and he was opening a furniture store of his own. I spoke with him at length and explored other employment options using the Internet, classified ads, word-of-mouth, and employment agencies. I found a great opportunity working as technical support for a web-hosting service. I was totally unprepared for the intensive interview process and after two-weeks of interviews, I was not offered that job. I continued to work at the newspaper and was offered a position as a brick mason's apprentice by a close friend who was beginning his own business for the first time. I submitted my two week's notice and was subsequently dismissed by the newspaper, but received a sizable severance check.
The position of brick mason apprentice was immediately rewarding. I found a workplace that takes pride in treating clients like guest in our own home. A vision beyond the current project or paycheck in apparent in quality of work and treatment of the customer. I am continuing to learn the science of mixing cement and mortar. I am becoming quite proficient at using shovels, trowels, and levels. I can build forty feet of scaffolding. I have developed skills not only in construction, but in demolition, as well. I have met and exceeded physical thresholds in endurance, speed, balance, and strength. I maintained the same level of pay at $10.00 per hour as I had at the newspaper job. I have an employer that respects my need for a structured, positive work environment. I gain information and develop new talents everyday. I have many more opportunities to improve my quality of life. I am in a workplace that values
my personal growth and I have been encouraged in my striving to better myself.